PETER BUFFA -- Comments & Curiosities

Run, rabbit, run. It’s every bunny for himself.

As you may have heard, Leisure World in Seal Beach is besieged by

bunnies. The numbers are hare-raising. We’re not talking about 10 or 12

here. We’re talking about hundreds of wild rabbits, sometimes in packs of

20 or 30.

They are systematically stripping the place of any and all plants,

flowers and garden vegetables, like a swarm of locust on an African

plain.

So how did Leisure World get taken over by bunnies? Glad you asked. It’s

a great example of the Law of Unintended Consequences.

There was a time, not long ago, when the open fields around Leisure World

were home to a healthy population of red foxes.

Foxes love rabbits. Ask any fox “Chinese, Italian or rabbit?” and the

answer is rabbit every time. As long as the foxes were around, the

rabbits were a rare and appreciated sight.

The circle of life was in perfect balance until a few years ago, when

some endangered species were found in the same open fields and the feds

said the foxes had to go. The foxes were gathered up and carefully

relocated to nice, new open fields.

The endangered species were pleased. The rabbits were ecstatic. Everybody

was happy. Until the Law of Unintended Consequences kicked in, that is.

The rabbits are now perfectly free to spend their days and nights doing

one of their favorite things: making other rabbits. As you know, rabbits

do not have good values, and they are always in the mood -- always.

Within months, the rabbit population was large and in charge.

By the way, wild rabbits are also a problem at Leisure World in Laguna

Hills, although to a lesser degree. Two retirement communities, 20 miles

apart, each besieged by bunnies. What is that all about? The government,

extraterrestrials and the bunnies are all in this together, I’m telling

you.

A similar case of the Law of Unintended Consequences began 200 years ago

on the Hawaiian Islands and is still happening today.

When the first explorers from Europe arrived, their ships carried some

unwanted tourists below decks -- rats. Once they scurried onshore, with

no natural predators, the rats bred like, well, rabbits.

Someone got the bright idea of importing some weasels to prey on the

rats. Unfortunately, they picked mongooses as the winners of the free

Hawaiian vacation. No one realized that rats are nocturnal and mongooses

are diurnal.

So other than passing each other now and then at dawn and dusk and

hurling a few insults -- “Weasel! Vermin!” -- the rats and mongooses had

very little to do with each other.

And so, the Law of Unintended Consequences goes Hawaiian. In no time at

all, the islands were overrun with rats and mongooses.

I learned all this on my first trip to Hawaii. I was on the Big Island,

staying in a second-floor room with an outside door. I bounded up the

stairs one afternoon and found a large mongoose curled up on the mat

below my door. I smiled, kept my hands in sight and said, as softly as

possible, “nice mongoose.”

It was not amused. It started to hiss at me. I tried “shoo, go away,

scram.”

It hissed louder. I backed up, made my way down the stairs, then sprinted

back to the lobby. The desk clerk and the bellman, unlike the mongoose,

were very amused and told me the story of the rats and the mongooses. It

was a great story. I gave the bellman $5 to come with me and explain it

to the mongoose.

But we’re not here to talk about weasels in Hawaii, for heaven’s sake.

Rabbits in Leisure World are what really matter.

The question is, what can they -- the people, not the rabbits -- do about

it? Leisure World’s exterminator has tried all sorts of poisons over the

last year, but the bunnies are smart and avoid the stuff like it was

poison. And speaking of legal nightmares, there’s always the risk of

someone’s pet finding the poison.

The exterminator claims the only way to deal with the number of bunnies

in question is to use air guns to send them, one at a time, to that big

hutch in the sky. One little detail: The exterminator needs a permit from

Seal Beach to discharge firearms within the city limits. Bam, it’s a

national story.

I cringe every time a government agency gets entangled in an animal

issue, having had some experience with animal stories in my previous

life. It is the ultimate no-win situation.

Having to do anything unpleasant to animals is bad enough, but cute

animals ensure that whatever decision you make, you will be wrong.

The animal activists are going ballistic and Leisure World residents,

while split over whether to shoot or not to shoot, are unanimous in their

demand that something be done--fast.

Through no fault of its own, the city has tumbled into the quicksand of

controversy, thanks only to the detail of a permit for pellet guns. Good

luck, my friends. Don’t worry, this will get much worse before it gets

better.

I don’t know exactly how it will end, but it will not end well. Do what

you will, city types; the story is already written. It’s “city against

Thumper.” And I’m bettin’ on the bunny.

I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column is published

Fridays. He may be reached by e-mail at o7 [email protected] .